I'm not sure to what extent people are generally motivated by encouragement, but I know that when you score high in the "Words of Affirmation" love language (there are five; read the book), what people say has the power to make or break you if you allow it to. There is the notion that you can push someone to reach farther by ridiculing their so-called mediocre attempts. I'm sure that there are some (manly?) types who thrive on then disproving such critique, but I surely am not one of them. At least not in the midst of my suffering.
I will provide you with two highly emotional examples. And I guess that's the key: I get emotional over it...
There was a day some 10+ years ago when I attempted something new and as yet, unexperienced. It was not something I had much choice in anymore, really. The event in question: childbirth. There was a moment during the critical pushing stage when I needed all the encouragement I could get. My wonderful husband was at my side, providing his hand for some hefty squeezing and making the appropriate positive sounds and gestures. The baby, never having been through this kind of trauma before, was suffering a little bit of distress, which affected his heart beat and caused the doctor some alarm. This in turn, reflected on my husband's face and proved to be most demotivating for me. I only had enough breath and energy to manage out a pitiful "rather smile", but it conveyed my desperate need for encouragement through this rather painful and seemingly never-ending ordeal. A most incredible experience though. It comes highly recommended.
Jump ahead to present day. Having recently taken up cycling, I am privileged to spend the slow days bordering Christmas and New Year's cycling with my much more experienced husband. This is his territory, stirring the pride I feel for being married to such a hard-core, rock star cycle legend! Having his and my sisters staying over during the family days, has meant that we have the luxury of spending (not so leisurely) time together on our bikes, without worry of the kids, absorbing the magnificence of the breathtaking Boland valley, while getting our exercise-related endorphin groove on. I'm learning as I go along, having had a heart rate that wouldn't budge over low 130's a few days ago, to spiking it in the higher 160's tackling a specific hill today. A uncharacteristic headwind was coming in strong on our way out of the valley and I stayed in the sweet spot behind Natie's wheel, with the added advantage of his sexy buttocks, glutes and calves in my immediate viewpoint for admiration. I was giving my all, huffing and puffing that ascent with determination, not about to let him wait for me at the top. As we almost reached that much yearned-for crest of the hill, he says "jy klou vandag" (you're keeping the pace today), which I mishear as "jy's flou vandag" (you're faint/slow today)... I almost cried. That downhill was probably the worst and slowest I have ever experienced. Suddenly I didn't even want to finish the route. I felt exhausted and hardly able to carry on. Reflecting on my severe emotional reaction, I told him that he shouldn't have said that I was faint. At which point he almost fell off his bike out of surprise. Okay, not really, but I clearly didn't hear what he was saying and he was actually impressed by the fact that he didn't have to slow down as much as usual for me.
So I know I shouldn't live for praise, and at the same token not get all suicidal over criticism, but a well-deserved word of encouragement goes a long way. And a lesser-deserved word of encouragement may just be the catalyst that someone needs to achieve greatness.
Go on, encourage someone today.
Thursday, 27 December 2012
Tuesday, 02 August 2011
Some random thoughts, with a serious ending
I wonder why car manufacturers do not standardise the set up of all the levers around the steering wheel. I have been driving the same Toyota Corolla for over 6 years - I should be used to the set up, but when I drive Natie's VW Caddy once in a while, I instinctively get it right to use the left-hand-sided indicator lever. Back in my own car, though, after driving his, I keep on accidentally switching on the windscreen wipers when I want to turn! It would be nice if they could all agree on a standard and make all cars the same, don't you think?
The other thing: headlights. I used to drive a small little Fiat Uno. It had the ingenious design to switch off the headlights automatically when you remove the key from the ignition. I like that. The Toyota has a very annoying alarm that alerts you to the fact that your headlights are still on when you open the driver side door and the keys are removed from the ignition. This is OK too, except it often happens that I then do forget to turn my headlights back on when I drive again.
That said, I do love my car. It is trustworthy and spacious and I know its engine will still last hundreds of thousands of kilometers. And it has gotten me to point B and C and everything after that without fail for as long as I have had it.
Nina has been off the nappies for a very long time. Over a year actually. That includes the night-nappy. Which has been great. Except, she has been subconsciously anticipating Jodie's birth the normal way that every sibling does - with trepidation. Consciously she is excited for her new little baby sister to arrive, but obviously somewhere in her psyche there is the fear that she will be replaced. This has resulted in my having to wash wet bed linen almost daily for a couple of months now. Sigh.
Well, last week she had three dry nights in a row... and that made me think: maybe I should do what all good moms do - put a reward system in place! So I made a calendar, marking off the three dry nights with a star each and printed it out. I bought little star-shaped stickers, and told her that she could get to stick a star on the calendar each morning she wakes up with a dry bed. I also said that when she has seven stars in a row, she'll get a small reward. I have already bought two rewards. She is now on day six... I don't know who's more excited for her to wake up dry tomorrow - me or her!
We have committed to be moved out of our house in exactly three weeks. I have not even started thinking about packing or even accumulating boxes. And there is a birth due in between. This is going to be a very different kind of move!
I have the best husband in the world. He is thoroughly amazing. It is easy to love him with everything I have.
The other thing: headlights. I used to drive a small little Fiat Uno. It had the ingenious design to switch off the headlights automatically when you remove the key from the ignition. I like that. The Toyota has a very annoying alarm that alerts you to the fact that your headlights are still on when you open the driver side door and the keys are removed from the ignition. This is OK too, except it often happens that I then do forget to turn my headlights back on when I drive again.
That said, I do love my car. It is trustworthy and spacious and I know its engine will still last hundreds of thousands of kilometers. And it has gotten me to point B and C and everything after that without fail for as long as I have had it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nina has been off the nappies for a very long time. Over a year actually. That includes the night-nappy. Which has been great. Except, she has been subconsciously anticipating Jodie's birth the normal way that every sibling does - with trepidation. Consciously she is excited for her new little baby sister to arrive, but obviously somewhere in her psyche there is the fear that she will be replaced. This has resulted in my having to wash wet bed linen almost daily for a couple of months now. Sigh.
Well, last week she had three dry nights in a row... and that made me think: maybe I should do what all good moms do - put a reward system in place! So I made a calendar, marking off the three dry nights with a star each and printed it out. I bought little star-shaped stickers, and told her that she could get to stick a star on the calendar each morning she wakes up with a dry bed. I also said that when she has seven stars in a row, she'll get a small reward. I have already bought two rewards. She is now on day six... I don't know who's more excited for her to wake up dry tomorrow - me or her!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We have committed to be moved out of our house in exactly three weeks. I have not even started thinking about packing or even accumulating boxes. And there is a birth due in between. This is going to be a very different kind of move!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have the best husband in the world. He is thoroughly amazing. It is easy to love him with everything I have.
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
Big, big things!
When Natie first mentioned the empty farming office that he gets to use all by himself at the estate where they have started doing the garden maintenance recently, I imagined an old whitewashed building with thin outside walls and a flat roof with no insulation. When he said that it would actually do nicely as a house, except that the kitchen is quite small and the bathroom wouldn't really make the cut for a family the size of ours, I dismissed the idea as desperation on his part... who would want to live in a dilapidated old place that was actually built for office-use?
The thing is, we have been looking for a bigger place. For over six years, we have been blessed living where we do, but the due date is coming closer for Jodie's birth and we really needed God to come through with some sort of miracle for a better place that is not more expensive than what we're staying in now. I mean, we were quite willing to cram the family into the small space we're renting currently, until a friend blessed me with a whole stack of beautiful pink baby clothes and I realised that there was not even one single cupboard that I could spare for Jodie's things! Even if we had the camping cot at the foot of our bed for the next year - where would I put her things? We have had beautiful pink baby clothes on a side table in our lounge for the past three months, for lack of space to put it!
We needed a miracle. I had told my friends laughingly that I trust God for something big... "I don't know what, I don't know how, but whatever He does for us in the housing department is going to take a miracle!". Our current rent is at the very stretchy end of our budget, but it is less than everyone else's in the complex because we'd been living there for so long, and we had an agreement right at the start that Natie would create a garden in exchange for a lesser rent. Which meant that even if we moved to the exact same place next door, our rent would go up. There is nothing in Paarl even at the size that we have now (never mind bigger or better), for the same price that we're paying now. We were so completely powerless in this situation - there was nothing to do but trust God. I didn't even have the energy to try and come up with ideas to inspire Him (don't deny it, you do it too!)... just knew that whether we find something bigger for the same price (or less), or He miraculously adds to our income, He would have to sort something out. After all, didn't He say that we can expect big things in our lives with this unexpected pregnancy?
So a few weeks ago, Natie says we should go and have a look at the office he uses in Franschhoek. The estate is considering giving the farming contract to us (the business) and throw in the 'house' to sweeten the deal, plus some money to change it into a proper house. We took the drive out in the rain late one Friday afternoon and I was blown away. This was NOT the farm office I had imagined. This was a beautiful house on a huge estate. It had breathtaking views and no neighbours near! It was magnificent! Wow, it did not even look like an office. I have no idea how they can say it was built for office purposes! Actually, looking at the kitchen and the bathroom, I can very much see how it was built for office purposes, but the rest of the place was perfect!! I was very excited, the kids were very excited, Natie was very excited. He would love to get his hands dirty on the farming side of things, never mind getting the house!
We drove the twenty-odd kilometres back to Paarl, building castles in the air about how we could change the inside to fit our family. We made plans, we talked, we dreamed, it was great. But as the weekend wore on, I started to get an uneasy feeling. I would have to drive to Paarl twice a day. It would kill my freelance business - when would I find time to do freelance? And we would uproot our family to go and live in a completely different town, this wasn't the outskirts of Paarl - it's Franschhoek. In fact, it's the far end of Franschhoek! Our lives are in Paarl. Our church, our friends, the kids' schools, Natie's cycling buddies. Sigh. The doubts crept up and by the Monday morning I was convinced that this was wrong for us. God had something supernatural in store. Natie and I briefly spoke the Monday morning before rushing off to drop the kids off at school. Actually, I spoke and Natie listened. I told him that I didn't think this was the right thing for us. It was a distraction. God had something better in mind. He didn't say anything. I took that as agreement. Yes, I know. I'm like that. Silly me.
A few days later, Natie was still talking about this house as an option, so we sat down and I asked him how he felt about it. He said that he kept thinking about the story of the guy sitting on the roof of his house in the middle of a great flood, asking God to save him. A boat comes along and he is invited to jump on, but he stays put, saying he's waiting for God to save him. Natie said that he didn't want to miss any opportunities that God sends our way just because we're waiting for something supernatural to happen. It made sense. I was confused. This could be God. But would God send something that blesses us and at the same time pulls us out of our comfort zone?
Would He? Ha. Do I even know God???
Anyway, I was in this state of confusion for a week or two. Not knowing whether to be excited or scared. Some days I was quite anxious, others had me excited all over again. What to do? Where I normally blabber away all my life's details to anyone who will listen, I only told my sister and my best friend of this option. It was too undecided. I wanted to know before I would tell everyone. In the mean time, Natie was negotiating and getting quotes (the budget to change the house was going to be a challenge in itself) and figuring out the details. If this was going to happen, Natie was going to have to manage the building and renovating part very tightly. There was not going to be the luxury of having it all done for us. There was simply not the budget for it.
One Saturday morning very early, a friend sent me a text message, saying that she had a dream about us, and that we were busy building a house. Wow. It got me thinking. That afternoon I was at a stork party, and a friend from our connect group asked whether we got a house yet (we had just joined the connect group a few weeks earlier, and that was one thing we specifically prayed for the first time we went). I hesitantly said yes. I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to discount the possibility. She was happy to hear that, obviously, and asked a little bit more about it... and as I started spilling out details, it was as if God was saying "You ninny, can't you see how supernatural this thing is? This is straight from My hand - I am blessing you!". I went home afterwards and said to Natie how amazing it is that God can be doing something awesome right in front of you, but you're too blind to see it! I was convinced. This is from God. Thank you God! Sorry Israelites - I understand now why it took you so long in the desert. Brings new meaning to the term "blindingly obvious".
The next morning in church, Mark started his sermon with a story from Hurricane Katrina. He said that he had watched an interview on TV with some people who never evacuated their houses when the emergency situation was declared. They were Southern Baptists, waiting on a signal from God, believing that God would do some miracle and they would be saved from their natural disaster, many of them not surviving the hurricane. One man had said that the signal for him, was when the weather man had said that it was time to evacuate their houses. My mouth was gaping. I couldn't believe it! It was Natie's flood-story! It was exactly like Natie's flood story. I blushed in church. Ha-ha. I was the idiot on the roof for too long. Sorry God. Giggle.
The next day, a domestic worker in our complex came up to me and asked if I didn't need anyone to help me in my house. My goodness, if only she knew! I did need someone desperately, my house is always a mess. One of my biggest longings is for full time help! But instead of the standard answer "no thanks, we do not have the budget right now", I said that it wouldn't help to get someone now, because we'll be moving to Franschhoek in a few months' time. To which she responded that she actually lives IN Franschhoek! I was blown away! Again. We talked a little, and it came out that she not only knows the estate that we'll be living in, but she also knows the house that we'll be living in, as well as the people Natie will be working with! She is happily working for the people here in Boschenmeer, but she is looking for work for her daughter. How's that for God being in the details! And the best is, seeing as we'll be staying at the new place rent free, rent is paid up front, and a salary is paid afterwards, we can get her to start working for us the last month at the old place already, which is a huge burden off of my shoulders for the last month of my pregnancy!
Isn't God good? Isn't He faithful?
"If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is." ~ 2 Tim 2:13
The other day, Natie's (architect) cycling buddy phones him to say that they are busy renovating a kitchen and they are pulling out a whole bunch of Oregon Pine kitchen cupboards if we are interested in them. He's just not sure how much of it we can use, because it comes from one long straight wall. Our mouths were gaping (again)... The plan for our new kitchen is to have it along one long wall in the open plan kitchen / lounge area and incorporate our own furniture as part of the design (our own furniture being an Oregon Pine dining room table, cupboard and butcher's block!).
God is good. He does big things, planned to the last meticulous detail. He does not do anything sloppy. My goodness, I'm glad I'm His child!!
Logistically, there's still a lot that has to happen. Walls have to be broken out, new walls have to be built, a new bathroom, changing of the existing bathroom, a whole new kitchen and scullery area, cupboards and carpets in every bedroom... a lot needs to be done inside a limited budget. It all needs to happen rather quickly as well. There's still all of that to trust God for. But He is awesome. And even if things don't work out in exactly the manner or timeline that we have in our heads, that's OK too. He knows best. I've learned that. So the plan is to start building as soon as the paperwork at the municipality has been sorted, leaving some time to fit carpets and cupboards after the place has been painted out, and we'll hopefully be able to move much of our stuff in August while they are still busy, being officially moved in by the first of September when Jodie is around two weeks old.
I am excited. God is unspeakably awesome, who's with me?
The thing is, we have been looking for a bigger place. For over six years, we have been blessed living where we do, but the due date is coming closer for Jodie's birth and we really needed God to come through with some sort of miracle for a better place that is not more expensive than what we're staying in now. I mean, we were quite willing to cram the family into the small space we're renting currently, until a friend blessed me with a whole stack of beautiful pink baby clothes and I realised that there was not even one single cupboard that I could spare for Jodie's things! Even if we had the camping cot at the foot of our bed for the next year - where would I put her things? We have had beautiful pink baby clothes on a side table in our lounge for the past three months, for lack of space to put it!
We needed a miracle. I had told my friends laughingly that I trust God for something big... "I don't know what, I don't know how, but whatever He does for us in the housing department is going to take a miracle!". Our current rent is at the very stretchy end of our budget, but it is less than everyone else's in the complex because we'd been living there for so long, and we had an agreement right at the start that Natie would create a garden in exchange for a lesser rent. Which meant that even if we moved to the exact same place next door, our rent would go up. There is nothing in Paarl even at the size that we have now (never mind bigger or better), for the same price that we're paying now. We were so completely powerless in this situation - there was nothing to do but trust God. I didn't even have the energy to try and come up with ideas to inspire Him (don't deny it, you do it too!)... just knew that whether we find something bigger for the same price (or less), or He miraculously adds to our income, He would have to sort something out. After all, didn't He say that we can expect big things in our lives with this unexpected pregnancy?
So a few weeks ago, Natie says we should go and have a look at the office he uses in Franschhoek. The estate is considering giving the farming contract to us (the business) and throw in the 'house' to sweeten the deal, plus some money to change it into a proper house. We took the drive out in the rain late one Friday afternoon and I was blown away. This was NOT the farm office I had imagined. This was a beautiful house on a huge estate. It had breathtaking views and no neighbours near! It was magnificent! Wow, it did not even look like an office. I have no idea how they can say it was built for office purposes! Actually, looking at the kitchen and the bathroom, I can very much see how it was built for office purposes, but the rest of the place was perfect!! I was very excited, the kids were very excited, Natie was very excited. He would love to get his hands dirty on the farming side of things, never mind getting the house!
We drove the twenty-odd kilometres back to Paarl, building castles in the air about how we could change the inside to fit our family. We made plans, we talked, we dreamed, it was great. But as the weekend wore on, I started to get an uneasy feeling. I would have to drive to Paarl twice a day. It would kill my freelance business - when would I find time to do freelance? And we would uproot our family to go and live in a completely different town, this wasn't the outskirts of Paarl - it's Franschhoek. In fact, it's the far end of Franschhoek! Our lives are in Paarl. Our church, our friends, the kids' schools, Natie's cycling buddies. Sigh. The doubts crept up and by the Monday morning I was convinced that this was wrong for us. God had something supernatural in store. Natie and I briefly spoke the Monday morning before rushing off to drop the kids off at school. Actually, I spoke and Natie listened. I told him that I didn't think this was the right thing for us. It was a distraction. God had something better in mind. He didn't say anything. I took that as agreement. Yes, I know. I'm like that. Silly me.
A few days later, Natie was still talking about this house as an option, so we sat down and I asked him how he felt about it. He said that he kept thinking about the story of the guy sitting on the roof of his house in the middle of a great flood, asking God to save him. A boat comes along and he is invited to jump on, but he stays put, saying he's waiting for God to save him. Natie said that he didn't want to miss any opportunities that God sends our way just because we're waiting for something supernatural to happen. It made sense. I was confused. This could be God. But would God send something that blesses us and at the same time pulls us out of our comfort zone?
Would He? Ha. Do I even know God???
Anyway, I was in this state of confusion for a week or two. Not knowing whether to be excited or scared. Some days I was quite anxious, others had me excited all over again. What to do? Where I normally blabber away all my life's details to anyone who will listen, I only told my sister and my best friend of this option. It was too undecided. I wanted to know before I would tell everyone. In the mean time, Natie was negotiating and getting quotes (the budget to change the house was going to be a challenge in itself) and figuring out the details. If this was going to happen, Natie was going to have to manage the building and renovating part very tightly. There was not going to be the luxury of having it all done for us. There was simply not the budget for it.
One Saturday morning very early, a friend sent me a text message, saying that she had a dream about us, and that we were busy building a house. Wow. It got me thinking. That afternoon I was at a stork party, and a friend from our connect group asked whether we got a house yet (we had just joined the connect group a few weeks earlier, and that was one thing we specifically prayed for the first time we went). I hesitantly said yes. I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to discount the possibility. She was happy to hear that, obviously, and asked a little bit more about it... and as I started spilling out details, it was as if God was saying "You ninny, can't you see how supernatural this thing is? This is straight from My hand - I am blessing you!". I went home afterwards and said to Natie how amazing it is that God can be doing something awesome right in front of you, but you're too blind to see it! I was convinced. This is from God. Thank you God! Sorry Israelites - I understand now why it took you so long in the desert. Brings new meaning to the term "blindingly obvious".
The next morning in church, Mark started his sermon with a story from Hurricane Katrina. He said that he had watched an interview on TV with some people who never evacuated their houses when the emergency situation was declared. They were Southern Baptists, waiting on a signal from God, believing that God would do some miracle and they would be saved from their natural disaster, many of them not surviving the hurricane. One man had said that the signal for him, was when the weather man had said that it was time to evacuate their houses. My mouth was gaping. I couldn't believe it! It was Natie's flood-story! It was exactly like Natie's flood story. I blushed in church. Ha-ha. I was the idiot on the roof for too long. Sorry God. Giggle.
The next day, a domestic worker in our complex came up to me and asked if I didn't need anyone to help me in my house. My goodness, if only she knew! I did need someone desperately, my house is always a mess. One of my biggest longings is for full time help! But instead of the standard answer "no thanks, we do not have the budget right now", I said that it wouldn't help to get someone now, because we'll be moving to Franschhoek in a few months' time. To which she responded that she actually lives IN Franschhoek! I was blown away! Again. We talked a little, and it came out that she not only knows the estate that we'll be living in, but she also knows the house that we'll be living in, as well as the people Natie will be working with! She is happily working for the people here in Boschenmeer, but she is looking for work for her daughter. How's that for God being in the details! And the best is, seeing as we'll be staying at the new place rent free, rent is paid up front, and a salary is paid afterwards, we can get her to start working for us the last month at the old place already, which is a huge burden off of my shoulders for the last month of my pregnancy!
Isn't God good? Isn't He faithful?
"If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is." ~ 2 Tim 2:13
The other day, Natie's (architect) cycling buddy phones him to say that they are busy renovating a kitchen and they are pulling out a whole bunch of Oregon Pine kitchen cupboards if we are interested in them. He's just not sure how much of it we can use, because it comes from one long straight wall. Our mouths were gaping (again)... The plan for our new kitchen is to have it along one long wall in the open plan kitchen / lounge area and incorporate our own furniture as part of the design (our own furniture being an Oregon Pine dining room table, cupboard and butcher's block!).
God is good. He does big things, planned to the last meticulous detail. He does not do anything sloppy. My goodness, I'm glad I'm His child!!
Logistically, there's still a lot that has to happen. Walls have to be broken out, new walls have to be built, a new bathroom, changing of the existing bathroom, a whole new kitchen and scullery area, cupboards and carpets in every bedroom... a lot needs to be done inside a limited budget. It all needs to happen rather quickly as well. There's still all of that to trust God for. But He is awesome. And even if things don't work out in exactly the manner or timeline that we have in our heads, that's OK too. He knows best. I've learned that. So the plan is to start building as soon as the paperwork at the municipality has been sorted, leaving some time to fit carpets and cupboards after the place has been painted out, and we'll hopefully be able to move much of our stuff in August while they are still busy, being officially moved in by the first of September when Jodie is around two weeks old.
I am excited. God is unspeakably awesome, who's with me?
View of the house; View from the stoep.
View towards Paarl; The stoep.
Thursday, 10 March 2011
When there is something better than *perfect*...
I posted earlier about my journey with God. About the tough times that we are facing, and how faith and focus on Him carries us through. Well, I read a written piece that spoke to me, it was exactly my heart's desire: I want to praise God. It was about Leah's journey with God. Here she was married to a man (Jacob) who didn't love her. Her only desire was for him to love her. And then she bore him his first-born son, and she thought "now he will love me". It carries on through the story of Leah and how she longed for Jacob to love her. But then she fell pregnant a fourth time, and her focus shifted. She realised that no matter what Jacob thinks of her, God loves her. And she started focusing on Him and praising Him. She named her son Judah - "this time, I will praise the Lord". I could identify with this. I so identified with this! And I knew, that's what I want to focus on: God. I want to praise God.
Through all of this, I was convinced that the baby I am carrying would be a boy. It was weird, really, I had never ventured a guess as to our baby's gender with any of my previous three pregnancies, knowing that you have a 50% chance of being right or wrong anyway. No, I preferred to wait until the earliest possibly time that the doctor was able to tell us what gender our baby would be, and then get excited about whatever God decided to give us. It was the wise thing to do. But this time was different, I thought I had figured God out. I thought I knew exactly the plan He had for our lives. Ha. How small-minded of me!
Anyway, since I was so sure that we were going to have a boy, I told Natie about the article I read about Leah, and we both agreed that we liked the name Judah, and that we both really do want to praise the Lord. It was decided - our boy's name would be Judah. So less than a week later, we go to the doctor for our first ultrasound, hoping that he would be able to see at 15 weeks of pregnancy, the gender of our baby (boy). Imagine my complete unbelief when he finally said that it looks like the baby's going to be a girl! Ha. I was totally taken aback. A girl? Are you sure? But it was going to be a boy? Seth was going to get his brother (no matter the 9 year age difference)? His name was going to be Judah? God? Have I lost the plot? Have I gone off on my own tangent? I mean, a girl is wonderful too, I am not disappointed in the least, I just really did not expect this. We can't name our girl Judah. It simply won't do! What now?
So we were left chewing on this new bit of information... we are expecting a girl. She is going to be wonderful and beautiful and perfect. Except, she can't have the perfect name. Sigh. Back to square one. But then someone suggested a whole host of girl names that are related to Judah. We didn't like them. It wasn't right for our girl. But there was one! Natie saw it, liked it and Googled it. The natural progression of things in the twenty-first century. Aaah! Here was a new idea! Jodie. Jodie is a very nice girl's name, that we both like, and is derived from Judah! Cool! But it's also derived from Joseph, who, incidentally, is Judah's brother - Rachel's first son. And while Leah had her own journey of being unloved, Rachel had her journey of being barren. And when God blessed her with a son, she named him Joseph - "may He add".
I was blown away. God saw our hearts and knew that we wanted to praise Him. And in finding that, He promises to add to us. God adds. Jehovah increases. God's plan is better than perfect.
World, meet Jodie! She'll be here in August.
Through all of this, I was convinced that the baby I am carrying would be a boy. It was weird, really, I had never ventured a guess as to our baby's gender with any of my previous three pregnancies, knowing that you have a 50% chance of being right or wrong anyway. No, I preferred to wait until the earliest possibly time that the doctor was able to tell us what gender our baby would be, and then get excited about whatever God decided to give us. It was the wise thing to do. But this time was different, I thought I had figured God out. I thought I knew exactly the plan He had for our lives. Ha. How small-minded of me!
Anyway, since I was so sure that we were going to have a boy, I told Natie about the article I read about Leah, and we both agreed that we liked the name Judah, and that we both really do want to praise the Lord. It was decided - our boy's name would be Judah. So less than a week later, we go to the doctor for our first ultrasound, hoping that he would be able to see at 15 weeks of pregnancy, the gender of our baby (boy). Imagine my complete unbelief when he finally said that it looks like the baby's going to be a girl! Ha. I was totally taken aback. A girl? Are you sure? But it was going to be a boy? Seth was going to get his brother (no matter the 9 year age difference)? His name was going to be Judah? God? Have I lost the plot? Have I gone off on my own tangent? I mean, a girl is wonderful too, I am not disappointed in the least, I just really did not expect this. We can't name our girl Judah. It simply won't do! What now?
So we were left chewing on this new bit of information... we are expecting a girl. She is going to be wonderful and beautiful and perfect. Except, she can't have the perfect name. Sigh. Back to square one. But then someone suggested a whole host of girl names that are related to Judah. We didn't like them. It wasn't right for our girl. But there was one! Natie saw it, liked it and Googled it. The natural progression of things in the twenty-first century. Aaah! Here was a new idea! Jodie. Jodie is a very nice girl's name, that we both like, and is derived from Judah! Cool! But it's also derived from Joseph, who, incidentally, is Judah's brother - Rachel's first son. And while Leah had her own journey of being unloved, Rachel had her journey of being barren. And when God blessed her with a son, she named him Joseph - "may He add".
I was blown away. God saw our hearts and knew that we wanted to praise Him. And in finding that, He promises to add to us. God adds. Jehovah increases. God's plan is better than perfect.
World, meet Jodie! She'll be here in August.
Where is God on the down low? An excerpt from a conversation with a friend.
A few weeks ago I had a written conversation with someone about prosperity. It was a revelation for me, but also made me realise that I have a story to tell. I have good news to share. Below is an excerpt of that conversation that I had. I hope it means something to someone somewhere.
I have made a long journey with God the past while. It started in 2009 when we discovered the teaching of Grace by a certain preacher. And you know, I can easily see how this preacher can fall in the "prosperity teaching" category, but the message of Grace that he brings - how Jesus took EVERY, EVERY, EVERYTHING (and that also means our future sins), and how those overwhelming feelings of guilt that we get every time that we fail, are the enemy's best plan to counter us and our growth in God. That IS condemnation! That is exactly what condemnation is! We think we are hard on ourselves, but really the enemy wants to come and diminish in our hearts the work that Jesus did on the cross!
Anyway, the grace teaching is a topic for another day, but it changed my life. The thing is, together with this teaching, this preacher also has the way to preach only prosperity and blessing. And for a long time I believed that somewhere, we are doing something wrong, 'cause we have not ever battled financially as much as we have for the past year or two. And it's hard. And when your fuel gauge is below empty, and the money's run out, and there hasn't been stocks of food in the cupboards for a while, you have a choice in how to react. And I have to say, mostly I am positive, but then it freaks me out that people squander money, but they tell you how they battle financially. And then I have these conversations in my head. And this confusion as to what God's plan through all of this really is.
In the mean time, my mom suddenly died in a car crash. And she was the one I could go to with all of my questions. She was someone that I could tell my doubts to, and then she would bring the truth back into the picture. Other times she was the one with doubts when things were rough, and I could encourage her. She was my mom. I still discover new levels in which I miss her. But the point is, in that time, an amazing thing happened. It's as if the Father comes to fill that place in my heart. He came to encourage me Himself, and to build and sow into my life. He brings wisdom and patience and faith and love and all those things to the party. It's the most awesome friendship. That beatitude in Matthew that says "blessed is the one who mourns, for he will be comforted" - that's the truth. The Father comforts you with His own presence. And He definitely made me strong to face many things after that. Flip, my attitude is not usually a good one out of its own - I can become quite the cynic, but He gave me His good and positive thoughts even before I could form negative ones of my own.
And He blesses us. Our months are not easy, but He provides every time. Sometimes in weird ways. Other times quite predictably, but He provides! He cares. He stays faithful. And my children have never gone to bed hungry. Sure, they live on pasta with tomato sauce most of the time, but at least they love it.
God gave me a freelance business that I didn't even ask for! Hé provided that, that which I love to do, came to me as work out of its own!! And yes, it's rough at times, 'cause there is not always time outside of my normal morning work to still do freelance, and I still believe He wants me to be with my children, and not full time at one work or the other, but He gave it! And here He gives us a fourth child... I could sink to a little heap and think, "how the hell?!", or I could allow Him to give me faith - just suddenly, from nowhere, I realised that this fourth child is a sign of huge things that God wants to do for us. I cannot think that He wants to give us another child without providing in that instance too...
And He is so cool, together with provision for basics, like veggies, He also provides gourmet experiences! Haha. Natie had bumper crops of tomatoes, and basil and chillies and all sorts of cool things at the nursery, and then he makes all sorts of gourmet renditions of it. Do you know how much tastier fresh, home-grown pumpkin is as opposed to shop-bought? And beans, and mealies... a bunch of stuff. God is BIG!
When I look at the blessings He's given through Natie's cycling. It will leave your mouth gaping! Natie did the Epic last year! His partner paid for him. He rides the Cape Pioneer Trek this year. That's all thousands of Rands that he gets just like that. He got a R12000 mountain bike for free! There is a whole list of things that are too many to mention. That is the favour of God! That is blessing and prosperity. Not the money, the gifts that come straight from the hand of God. Those things that we cannot lay claim to or take any credit for. That is what I am talking about, that I believe the Father has for us. That is what turns people's eyes to Him and brings Him glory. That's what I want in our life.
Anyway, I think when I feel like I'm on the down low, I must just choose to focus on praising Him. Like Paul and Silas did in jail, and like Lea did when she expected Judah. ***Edit: the following paragraph is what I believed at the time. More on that later. And by the way, I believe this baby will be a boy, because Seth put in a prayer request at the church's 2009 miracle offering for a brother. We thought at the time it was quite funny, but now I realise, God loves every one of us, and Seth too, and He honours our hearts' desires! And I haven't discussed it with Natie yet, but I think when we confirm that this baby is going to be a boy (we're going to the doctor in a week's time!), we must name him Judah. end edit***
So it's a whole journey. But it's a good one. And I am glad for people in my life that I can share these awesome things with. And I am especially glad about God in my life, because without Him it is SCARY!
And whatever He wants to do in my life is OK, as long as I am obedient to Him so that His kingdom can be built! In the end that is really all that is important, isn't it? This life is fleeting. So what if you suffer from beginning to end... it's fleeting... and eternity is going to be AWESOME! But what about the people we never reached, because we never received wisdom, because we were always so comfortable with our easy lives... and then they stand on judgement day and hate us for not telling them! Yes, you're right. It's not about prosperity. It's about God.
I have made a long journey with God the past while. It started in 2009 when we discovered the teaching of Grace by a certain preacher. And you know, I can easily see how this preacher can fall in the "prosperity teaching" category, but the message of Grace that he brings - how Jesus took EVERY, EVERY, EVERYTHING (and that also means our future sins), and how those overwhelming feelings of guilt that we get every time that we fail, are the enemy's best plan to counter us and our growth in God. That IS condemnation! That is exactly what condemnation is! We think we are hard on ourselves, but really the enemy wants to come and diminish in our hearts the work that Jesus did on the cross!
Anyway, the grace teaching is a topic for another day, but it changed my life. The thing is, together with this teaching, this preacher also has the way to preach only prosperity and blessing. And for a long time I believed that somewhere, we are doing something wrong, 'cause we have not ever battled financially as much as we have for the past year or two. And it's hard. And when your fuel gauge is below empty, and the money's run out, and there hasn't been stocks of food in the cupboards for a while, you have a choice in how to react. And I have to say, mostly I am positive, but then it freaks me out that people squander money, but they tell you how they battle financially. And then I have these conversations in my head. And this confusion as to what God's plan through all of this really is.
In the mean time, my mom suddenly died in a car crash. And she was the one I could go to with all of my questions. She was someone that I could tell my doubts to, and then she would bring the truth back into the picture. Other times she was the one with doubts when things were rough, and I could encourage her. She was my mom. I still discover new levels in which I miss her. But the point is, in that time, an amazing thing happened. It's as if the Father comes to fill that place in my heart. He came to encourage me Himself, and to build and sow into my life. He brings wisdom and patience and faith and love and all those things to the party. It's the most awesome friendship. That beatitude in Matthew that says "blessed is the one who mourns, for he will be comforted" - that's the truth. The Father comforts you with His own presence. And He definitely made me strong to face many things after that. Flip, my attitude is not usually a good one out of its own - I can become quite the cynic, but He gave me His good and positive thoughts even before I could form negative ones of my own.
And He blesses us. Our months are not easy, but He provides every time. Sometimes in weird ways. Other times quite predictably, but He provides! He cares. He stays faithful. And my children have never gone to bed hungry. Sure, they live on pasta with tomato sauce most of the time, but at least they love it.
God gave me a freelance business that I didn't even ask for! Hé provided that, that which I love to do, came to me as work out of its own!! And yes, it's rough at times, 'cause there is not always time outside of my normal morning work to still do freelance, and I still believe He wants me to be with my children, and not full time at one work or the other, but He gave it! And here He gives us a fourth child... I could sink to a little heap and think, "how the hell?!", or I could allow Him to give me faith - just suddenly, from nowhere, I realised that this fourth child is a sign of huge things that God wants to do for us. I cannot think that He wants to give us another child without providing in that instance too...
And He is so cool, together with provision for basics, like veggies, He also provides gourmet experiences! Haha. Natie had bumper crops of tomatoes, and basil and chillies and all sorts of cool things at the nursery, and then he makes all sorts of gourmet renditions of it. Do you know how much tastier fresh, home-grown pumpkin is as opposed to shop-bought? And beans, and mealies... a bunch of stuff. God is BIG!
When I look at the blessings He's given through Natie's cycling. It will leave your mouth gaping! Natie did the Epic last year! His partner paid for him. He rides the Cape Pioneer Trek this year. That's all thousands of Rands that he gets just like that. He got a R12000 mountain bike for free! There is a whole list of things that are too many to mention. That is the favour of God! That is blessing and prosperity. Not the money, the gifts that come straight from the hand of God. Those things that we cannot lay claim to or take any credit for. That is what I am talking about, that I believe the Father has for us. That is what turns people's eyes to Him and brings Him glory. That's what I want in our life.
Anyway, I think when I feel like I'm on the down low, I must just choose to focus on praising Him. Like Paul and Silas did in jail, and like Lea did when she expected Judah. ***Edit: the following paragraph is what I believed at the time. More on that later. And by the way, I believe this baby will be a boy, because Seth put in a prayer request at the church's 2009 miracle offering for a brother. We thought at the time it was quite funny, but now I realise, God loves every one of us, and Seth too, and He honours our hearts' desires! And I haven't discussed it with Natie yet, but I think when we confirm that this baby is going to be a boy (we're going to the doctor in a week's time!), we must name him Judah. end edit***
So it's a whole journey. But it's a good one. And I am glad for people in my life that I can share these awesome things with. And I am especially glad about God in my life, because without Him it is SCARY!
And whatever He wants to do in my life is OK, as long as I am obedient to Him so that His kingdom can be built! In the end that is really all that is important, isn't it? This life is fleeting. So what if you suffer from beginning to end... it's fleeting... and eternity is going to be AWESOME! But what about the people we never reached, because we never received wisdom, because we were always so comfortable with our easy lives... and then they stand on judgement day and hate us for not telling them! Yes, you're right. It's not about prosperity. It's about God.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Something's happening
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." ~ Proverbs 16:9
When I was in high school, I just wanted to settle down. My mom wanted me to study to become a professor or doctor of some sort, but I just wanted to get married and have children. I always said I was going to have four children. Life was going to be grand. We would live in a pretty house with a pretty garden, have a dog and just be happy. I knew it would probably be a waste of my mental capacity, but it was what I wanted.
Then I left school. I waitressed. I met the love of my life. Did a computer programming course. Took a job at Boland Bank in Paarl. Moved here, got married and settled down. The initial plan was to have children after five years. Goodness, that seems like forever now! After just over a year of married life, we were asked to babysit four siblings while their parents were off to Italy. They were reputed to be rather demanding children. People said that they would either put us off having children or nothing would! They were great. The older two helped with the younger two. I was up before six every morning (a huge feat for me!) making them gourmet sandwiches for school. The youngest one cried for his mom when they left. It touched my heart. Afterwards, I said to Natie that I wanted to have children of my own. I wanted to have someone who would cry if I left them.
Silly? Well, I believe God put that desire there. He knew what He was planning. We were pregnant less than two months later. We were blessed with a precious boy. He was wonderful. I was 24. I couldn't believe I was a mom! At six weeks he started crying and wouldn't stop for a year. We were exhausted. Seth was the first baby I held in my life. He was the first baby I had any experience of. I thought that was what babies did. They cried. Natie said he had colic. I disagreed. How can he suddenly develop colic at six weeks? It couldn't be colic. It was just how babies were. Surely?
Having been one of five children born in a six-year period, I was determined to have at least one other child. And soon. Seth was about fifteen months old when I convinced Natie that we should have another. He reluctantly agreed. He knew how exhausted I was! God must have known too. It took six months to fall pregnant this time. I thought I wanted another boy, but when the doctor said it might be a girl, I was inexplicably excited! Amelie was born in February and the heat didn't even bother me. She was fabulous. And when she was two months old, both my children suddenly started sleeping through. It was like we were on holiday!
I was content. I had a boy and a girl and a wonderful husband. I was done with pregnancy... nausea, heart-burn! When people asked if we would have another, I would give a firm and definite "NO!" in reply. My children were beautiful. We took family portraits. We went on holiday to the Kruger National Park. It was bliss. Then suddenly I got the desire to stop working full time. I wanted to be at home to raise my children. It was a step of faith. We gave ourselves six months to decide, but I just got surer and surer. This was God's plan. I had faith for it. Natie agreed. I resigned from the bank in June that year.
In August that year, Natie and I had a discussion, and we decided on a whim to have another child ("vir oulaas"). A month later I was pregnant. Nina was born the next winter. She was gorgeous. Now we were even more blessed. It was great. This time when people asked me whether we would have more, I wasn't so sure. It wasn't that I wanted another child, but I knew the folly of saying "no" and then changing your mind. So I always said that I didn't think so.
Then my mother died. It changed my life. I couldn't imagine having another child without her being here. I just couldn't.
Nina was off the nappies in record time. It was like we were on holiday again - she started going to children's church with Seth and Amelie on Sunday mornings, and Natie and I had uninterrupted Sunday mornings in church. Aaah, lovely.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
The passage above is in Proverbs 16. It was something my mom always quoted. That and "obedience is better than sacrifice". I'll never forget it. My Bible reading plan was such that I started reading Proverbs on November 21. That was the day before we conceived a new little blessing. We only found out the week before Christmas. Before we did the pregnancy test, I was horrified. I said to Natie that I didn't want to be pregnant again. He was the voice of reason. He reminded me, that we will wait until we get the test results, and if it's positive, then so will we be. There's no turning back. God obviously knows what He's doing. He will provide.
We will have another child in August 2011. We are happy. We are going to have four children. Life is grand!
In the words of my sister, "Wow!! Wow! Woohoo! And the adventure continues... Jy's truly blessed Ilse, truly, truly. Truly!".
When I was in high school, I just wanted to settle down. My mom wanted me to study to become a professor or doctor of some sort, but I just wanted to get married and have children. I always said I was going to have four children. Life was going to be grand. We would live in a pretty house with a pretty garden, have a dog and just be happy. I knew it would probably be a waste of my mental capacity, but it was what I wanted.
Then I left school. I waitressed. I met the love of my life. Did a computer programming course. Took a job at Boland Bank in Paarl. Moved here, got married and settled down. The initial plan was to have children after five years. Goodness, that seems like forever now! After just over a year of married life, we were asked to babysit four siblings while their parents were off to Italy. They were reputed to be rather demanding children. People said that they would either put us off having children or nothing would! They were great. The older two helped with the younger two. I was up before six every morning (a huge feat for me!) making them gourmet sandwiches for school. The youngest one cried for his mom when they left. It touched my heart. Afterwards, I said to Natie that I wanted to have children of my own. I wanted to have someone who would cry if I left them.
Silly? Well, I believe God put that desire there. He knew what He was planning. We were pregnant less than two months later. We were blessed with a precious boy. He was wonderful. I was 24. I couldn't believe I was a mom! At six weeks he started crying and wouldn't stop for a year. We were exhausted. Seth was the first baby I held in my life. He was the first baby I had any experience of. I thought that was what babies did. They cried. Natie said he had colic. I disagreed. How can he suddenly develop colic at six weeks? It couldn't be colic. It was just how babies were. Surely?
Having been one of five children born in a six-year period, I was determined to have at least one other child. And soon. Seth was about fifteen months old when I convinced Natie that we should have another. He reluctantly agreed. He knew how exhausted I was! God must have known too. It took six months to fall pregnant this time. I thought I wanted another boy, but when the doctor said it might be a girl, I was inexplicably excited! Amelie was born in February and the heat didn't even bother me. She was fabulous. And when she was two months old, both my children suddenly started sleeping through. It was like we were on holiday!
I was content. I had a boy and a girl and a wonderful husband. I was done with pregnancy... nausea, heart-burn! When people asked if we would have another, I would give a firm and definite "NO!" in reply. My children were beautiful. We took family portraits. We went on holiday to the Kruger National Park. It was bliss. Then suddenly I got the desire to stop working full time. I wanted to be at home to raise my children. It was a step of faith. We gave ourselves six months to decide, but I just got surer and surer. This was God's plan. I had faith for it. Natie agreed. I resigned from the bank in June that year.
In August that year, Natie and I had a discussion, and we decided on a whim to have another child ("vir oulaas"). A month later I was pregnant. Nina was born the next winter. She was gorgeous. Now we were even more blessed. It was great. This time when people asked me whether we would have more, I wasn't so sure. It wasn't that I wanted another child, but I knew the folly of saying "no" and then changing your mind. So I always said that I didn't think so.
Then my mother died. It changed my life. I couldn't imagine having another child without her being here. I just couldn't.
Nina was off the nappies in record time. It was like we were on holiday again - she started going to children's church with Seth and Amelie on Sunday mornings, and Natie and I had uninterrupted Sunday mornings in church. Aaah, lovely.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
The passage above is in Proverbs 16. It was something my mom always quoted. That and "obedience is better than sacrifice". I'll never forget it. My Bible reading plan was such that I started reading Proverbs on November 21. That was the day before we conceived a new little blessing. We only found out the week before Christmas. Before we did the pregnancy test, I was horrified. I said to Natie that I didn't want to be pregnant again. He was the voice of reason. He reminded me, that we will wait until we get the test results, and if it's positive, then so will we be. There's no turning back. God obviously knows what He's doing. He will provide.
We will have another child in August 2011. We are happy. We are going to have four children. Life is grand!
In the words of my sister, "Wow!! Wow! Woohoo! And the adventure continues... Jy's truly blessed Ilse, truly, truly. Truly!".
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Ek het al weer 'n gat in my hart
Ek kry nie asem nie
Ek kan nie konsentreer nie
My gedagtes dwaal die hele tyd
Dit voel nie asof enige iets regtig belangrik is nie
Ek wens ek kon met iemand praat
Ek wil nie hê mense moet my jammer kry nie
Ek wil net hierdie las deel
My swaar, swaar las
My Mamma is weg
Sy is net 'n herinnering
Ek mis haar so
Niks is meer belangrik nie
Wat maak die werk tog saak
Die wasgoed
Die huis
Ek mis my Mamma
Ek stik aan my trane
En ek weet nie wat om te doen nie
Want sy is weg
Sy is net weg
Ek mis my Mamma
Ek kry nie asem nie
Ek kan nie konsentreer nie
My gedagtes dwaal die hele tyd
Dit voel nie asof enige iets regtig belangrik is nie
Ek wens ek kon met iemand praat
Ek wil nie hê mense moet my jammer kry nie
Ek wil net hierdie las deel
My swaar, swaar las
My Mamma is weg
Sy is net 'n herinnering
Ek mis haar so
Niks is meer belangrik nie
Wat maak die werk tog saak
Die wasgoed
Die huis
Ek mis my Mamma
Ek stik aan my trane
En ek weet nie wat om te doen nie
Want sy is weg
Sy is net weg
Ek mis my Mamma
Sunday, 24 October 2010
My dad's angel out of heaven
I do believe this topic deserves its own blog post. And it'll save me a lot of typing if I can just direct people to my blog. My dad got married. People think all sorts of things about that. And people assume things about how I feel. Let me just first make it clear that this blog is the expression of my own views. I do not speak for anyone else. What others feel, they will have to make clear all on their own. Maybe they should blog about it too.
Back to me. I miss my mom. I miss her more and not less. Sometimes I feel like curling up in a corner and just letting it all out, but then my children walk in, or someone makes light conversation, blissfully oblivious to my state of depression, and I suck it up. So I guess I'm dragging it out. Which means it's a given that I will still miss her for years. Desperately. I'm sure my dad will still miss her for years too. I am convinced of that. (Remember, my view).
So he gets married. And people are weary of my reaction. They hesitantly go "?" before "congratulations"... they wait to see how I feel before responding. Decent of them. Thing is, I cannot say "my mom died" and "my dad got married again" in the same breath. I do not think of it simultaneously. They are two entirely separate events. My mom is not married to my dad anymore. Death did them part. They had been faithful, they had had a wonderful marriage that was an example to many, me included. But it's over. She is gone. Nothing can change that.
Now most people probably suppose that one should wait until you're not sad anymore before you get married again. Heck, I thought that! Before my mom died, I would hear about men getting married merely months after losing their wife. It freaked my out. I would gasp and wonder and... well... judge. The thing is... you are never not going to be sad anymore. You need a reason to be joyful again. There can be many reasons. God gave my dad a reason. I guess it could have been quite different if I weren't certain of the fact that this union is from God.
You should hear my dad's story. He found an angel out of heaven. She is wonderful. She is beautiful and soft and she makes him glow. They love each other like a young married couple should. How can I not be happy? My Father in heaven has blessed my father on earth, and in doing that, he has blessed our entire family, by adding to us. I love it. I love how He has perfect timing. I love how He helps us during broken times. How He works the hurt around into strength, wisdom, growth.
That story about footsteps in the sand? It's not just a story.
Back to me. I miss my mom. I miss her more and not less. Sometimes I feel like curling up in a corner and just letting it all out, but then my children walk in, or someone makes light conversation, blissfully oblivious to my state of depression, and I suck it up. So I guess I'm dragging it out. Which means it's a given that I will still miss her for years. Desperately. I'm sure my dad will still miss her for years too. I am convinced of that. (Remember, my view).
So he gets married. And people are weary of my reaction. They hesitantly go "?" before "congratulations"... they wait to see how I feel before responding. Decent of them. Thing is, I cannot say "my mom died" and "my dad got married again" in the same breath. I do not think of it simultaneously. They are two entirely separate events. My mom is not married to my dad anymore. Death did them part. They had been faithful, they had had a wonderful marriage that was an example to many, me included. But it's over. She is gone. Nothing can change that.
Now most people probably suppose that one should wait until you're not sad anymore before you get married again. Heck, I thought that! Before my mom died, I would hear about men getting married merely months after losing their wife. It freaked my out. I would gasp and wonder and... well... judge. The thing is... you are never not going to be sad anymore. You need a reason to be joyful again. There can be many reasons. God gave my dad a reason. I guess it could have been quite different if I weren't certain of the fact that this union is from God.
You should hear my dad's story. He found an angel out of heaven. She is wonderful. She is beautiful and soft and she makes him glow. They love each other like a young married couple should. How can I not be happy? My Father in heaven has blessed my father on earth, and in doing that, he has blessed our entire family, by adding to us. I love it. I love how He has perfect timing. I love how He helps us during broken times. How He works the hurt around into strength, wisdom, growth.
That story about footsteps in the sand? It's not just a story.
Monday, 11 October 2010
Meditation, did you know?
Some time ago, I learned about youversion.com. I signed up, and started reading through a chronological plan of the Bible. I love YouVersion, it has all my favourite translations of the Bible online (for free) and wonderful study material to help me get into God's word!
Today's bit of reading was made up of some Psalms that David wrote (actually yesterday's, but I was a bit behind). Now, it so happens that the Psalms aren't in chronological order... which doesn't make sense, but doesn't bother me either - I'm happily reading them as set out in the chronological plan. Which brings me to the verse that stood out for me today.
"May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."
Psalm 19:14 (NLT)
I loved it. I carried on reading, but I decided to remember that verse. That is going straight to facebook! As always when I like a particular verse, I also like to compare it in various translations. And, silly, I know, I don't use YouVersion's compare tool (I'm sure it has one?), but I just Google the scripture reference and open the first page's results all in new tabs (you gotta love Google Chrome!). Anyway, one of the pages that came up, was one with the heading Mentoring and a sub heading When longing to please God, the scripture, and three links, all on a white background. Plain and simple. The links included Return to Bible Meditation, which I promptly clicked out of sheer curiosity. What a lovely article!
It talks about how meditation isn't really a form of self-centered mindlessness as advocated by Eastern religions... it literally means to attend as translated from the Greek word "meletao". The article continues to give five points on how to meditate on God's word:
1. Understand the Perimeter of the verse.
I liked that! So often, people take a verse out of context, and proceed to build doctrine (albeit shaky) on that. Not wise.
2. Paraphrase the verse.
I liked that too. It doesn't sound like much, but try it, and see what a difference it makes in your understanding of the verse!
3. Pulverize the verse.
Huh? Basically, you say the verse aloud, thinking about the meaning of each word. You then choose one or two keywords out of that verse and ask yourself some basic questions around the keyword. You'll see just now.
4. Personalise the verse.
The Bible wasn't just written for David, you know. Make it personal, make it yours. Take the promise of God and say it aloud. The guy explains it in the article - think about the process of speaking the verse aloud as carpenter's glue. Glue the promise to the problem. Say it.
5. Pray the verse into your life.
Talk to God. It's your relationship with Him that all of this is about, after all! He gives you promises through His word, and you talk to Him about it.
Lastly, the article links to a meditation worksheet that is so simple and practical to use.
So here goes my first try:
Scripture reference: Psalm 19:14
1. Understand the perimeter:
Verse 13 says Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.
Verse 14 is our scripture that we're meditating on: May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
That is the last verse in the chapter. But then, when the Bible was compiled, they didn't have chapters and verses, so what follows? According to my chronological reading plan, after reading Psalm 19, the next Psalm to read was 21. So what does Psalm 21:1 & 2 say?
David says How the king rejoices in your strength, Oh Lord! He shouts for joy because you give him victory. For you have given him his heart's desire; you have withheld nothing he requested.
Wow. God helps us to keep from deliberate sins! His grace keeps us from wanting to sin! His strength helps us to bring Him pleasure! He gives us our heart's desire, when our heart's desire is to please Him!
2. Paraphrase the verse:
May what I say and what I think make you happy, God, you are my Strength and my Saviour.
3. Pulverize the verse:
OK, so read it out loud. Read it many times, each time with the emphasis on a different word. The keyword for me, is pleasing.
Who do I want to be pleasing to? God. I want to please God!
What should be pleasing? My words and thoughts.
When must it be pleasing? All the time!
Where must it be pleasing? Everywhere I go!
Why must it be pleasing? Because God has saved me from my sinful nature - I want to please Him!
How will it be pleasing to Him? God is my Rock, He is my strength. When I can't do it out of my own nature, I can look to Him to fill me with His Spirit and lead me with His strength to have words and thoughts pleasing to Him!
4. Personalise the verse:
God, thank you that you give me strength to say and think things that make you happy. You truly are my strength, my Rock, my Redeemer!
5. Pray the verse into life:
This is where I speak with God. Where I am amazed at His goodness, at His guidance in my life, at the fact that He doesn't want me to stay the way I am. He is awesome. I am in awe of Him!!
I love how He just guides you in simple things like Google searches. I really do want to be pleasing and acceptable to Him with everything I say, think and do. He teaches me so much. He is such a graceful, and patient and loving Dad. I cannot help but be overwhelmed by Him. How awesome is He!
Today's bit of reading was made up of some Psalms that David wrote (actually yesterday's, but I was a bit behind). Now, it so happens that the Psalms aren't in chronological order... which doesn't make sense, but doesn't bother me either - I'm happily reading them as set out in the chronological plan. Which brings me to the verse that stood out for me today.
"May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."
Psalm 19:14 (NLT)
I loved it. I carried on reading, but I decided to remember that verse. That is going straight to facebook! As always when I like a particular verse, I also like to compare it in various translations. And, silly, I know, I don't use YouVersion's compare tool (I'm sure it has one?), but I just Google the scripture reference and open the first page's results all in new tabs (you gotta love Google Chrome!). Anyway, one of the pages that came up, was one with the heading Mentoring and a sub heading When longing to please God, the scripture, and three links, all on a white background. Plain and simple. The links included Return to Bible Meditation, which I promptly clicked out of sheer curiosity. What a lovely article!
It talks about how meditation isn't really a form of self-centered mindlessness as advocated by Eastern religions... it literally means to attend as translated from the Greek word "meletao". The article continues to give five points on how to meditate on God's word:
1. Understand the Perimeter of the verse.
I liked that! So often, people take a verse out of context, and proceed to build doctrine (albeit shaky) on that. Not wise.
2. Paraphrase the verse.
I liked that too. It doesn't sound like much, but try it, and see what a difference it makes in your understanding of the verse!
3. Pulverize the verse.
Huh? Basically, you say the verse aloud, thinking about the meaning of each word. You then choose one or two keywords out of that verse and ask yourself some basic questions around the keyword. You'll see just now.
4. Personalise the verse.
The Bible wasn't just written for David, you know. Make it personal, make it yours. Take the promise of God and say it aloud. The guy explains it in the article - think about the process of speaking the verse aloud as carpenter's glue. Glue the promise to the problem. Say it.
5. Pray the verse into your life.
Talk to God. It's your relationship with Him that all of this is about, after all! He gives you promises through His word, and you talk to Him about it.
Lastly, the article links to a meditation worksheet that is so simple and practical to use.
So here goes my first try:
Scripture reference: Psalm 19:14
1. Understand the perimeter:
Verse 13 says Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.
Verse 14 is our scripture that we're meditating on: May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
That is the last verse in the chapter. But then, when the Bible was compiled, they didn't have chapters and verses, so what follows? According to my chronological reading plan, after reading Psalm 19, the next Psalm to read was 21. So what does Psalm 21:1 & 2 say?
David says How the king rejoices in your strength, Oh Lord! He shouts for joy because you give him victory. For you have given him his heart's desire; you have withheld nothing he requested.
Wow. God helps us to keep from deliberate sins! His grace keeps us from wanting to sin! His strength helps us to bring Him pleasure! He gives us our heart's desire, when our heart's desire is to please Him!
2. Paraphrase the verse:
May what I say and what I think make you happy, God, you are my Strength and my Saviour.
3. Pulverize the verse:
OK, so read it out loud. Read it many times, each time with the emphasis on a different word. The keyword for me, is pleasing.
Who do I want to be pleasing to? God. I want to please God!
What should be pleasing? My words and thoughts.
When must it be pleasing? All the time!
Where must it be pleasing? Everywhere I go!
Why must it be pleasing? Because God has saved me from my sinful nature - I want to please Him!
How will it be pleasing to Him? God is my Rock, He is my strength. When I can't do it out of my own nature, I can look to Him to fill me with His Spirit and lead me with His strength to have words and thoughts pleasing to Him!
4. Personalise the verse:
God, thank you that you give me strength to say and think things that make you happy. You truly are my strength, my Rock, my Redeemer!
5. Pray the verse into life:
This is where I speak with God. Where I am amazed at His goodness, at His guidance in my life, at the fact that He doesn't want me to stay the way I am. He is awesome. I am in awe of Him!!
I love how He just guides you in simple things like Google searches. I really do want to be pleasing and acceptable to Him with everything I say, think and do. He teaches me so much. He is such a graceful, and patient and loving Dad. I cannot help but be overwhelmed by Him. How awesome is He!
Monday, 26 July 2010
It's not the clothes that make the man...
I did it. I finally tackled the sewing machine. It's one of those things that I have been privileged to learn from her. My mother. She was a Proverbs 31 woman. She loved sewing. And I hated it. I loved watching her sew, and I loved the new creations that would come into existence. I loved the process, and I loved how she did it with ease. How the idea of a new dress for church could become a reality in the special time spent together between the morning and evening service. But I never really liked doing it myself. And I didn't have to. She was always there. She did it so much better anyway.
I remember buying material to cover my couch. That in itself was a miracle... Material shops freak me out. I never know what the right type of material is, and I don't even think to ask whether it must be shrunk in the wash before being cut. So I bought the material, having a logical idea of how the pieces should fit together to cover the couch neatly. They were due for a visit and I asked her help. It was magical watching her transform a piece of cloth in to a slipcover for my couch. It was magical to have a new slipcover for my couch. She was magical. I didn't know it. I thought she was ordinary. I loved her ordinariness and didn't realise how magical it was.
So back to now. I sewed. I went to the shop with my princess. We picked out t-shirt material. We bought three pieces of material and a length of elastic. I didn't even buy thread. There's lots of thread at home. There were bound to be some matching the colours of the different materials. I had inherited everything from my magical mother, after all.
I unpacked the material. I laid it flat. Thinking about my mother and how perfectly she did it. I cut up the old torn pair of pants and laid it flat on top of the double layer of material. I pinned it and cut it. I sewed. I was proud. Every time I put a pin in my mouth, I remembered how she did it. I remember how she would keep them stored between her lips, sometimes biting them between her teeth to say something. And for the first time, I imagined the sight it must have been for her. The excited daughter, sitting by her side, handing her pins, barely being able to contain herself in anticipation of something new to wear. It must have been heart-warming. It must have been tiring and draining at times. It must have been very demanding at some points. But it was always done with love. And for the first time, I loved sewing. I loved it. The best part is when she has a giggle that almost skips a beat when it's done. And when she wears it to school.
Dankie Mamma.
I remember buying material to cover my couch. That in itself was a miracle... Material shops freak me out. I never know what the right type of material is, and I don't even think to ask whether it must be shrunk in the wash before being cut. So I bought the material, having a logical idea of how the pieces should fit together to cover the couch neatly. They were due for a visit and I asked her help. It was magical watching her transform a piece of cloth in to a slipcover for my couch. It was magical to have a new slipcover for my couch. She was magical. I didn't know it. I thought she was ordinary. I loved her ordinariness and didn't realise how magical it was.
So back to now. I sewed. I went to the shop with my princess. We picked out t-shirt material. We bought three pieces of material and a length of elastic. I didn't even buy thread. There's lots of thread at home. There were bound to be some matching the colours of the different materials. I had inherited everything from my magical mother, after all.
I unpacked the material. I laid it flat. Thinking about my mother and how perfectly she did it. I cut up the old torn pair of pants and laid it flat on top of the double layer of material. I pinned it and cut it. I sewed. I was proud. Every time I put a pin in my mouth, I remembered how she did it. I remember how she would keep them stored between her lips, sometimes biting them between her teeth to say something. And for the first time, I imagined the sight it must have been for her. The excited daughter, sitting by her side, handing her pins, barely being able to contain herself in anticipation of something new to wear. It must have been heart-warming. It must have been tiring and draining at times. It must have been very demanding at some points. But it was always done with love. And for the first time, I loved sewing. I loved it. The best part is when she has a giggle that almost skips a beat when it's done. And when she wears it to school.
Dankie Mamma.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
One decade of growth
It is exactly ten years ago today that Natie and I made a covenant before God. Covenant sounds like such a religious word, doesn't it? Well then, agreement, contract, convention, treaty, promise, pledge if you will. Our vows were just the standard version that are traditionally used in wedding ceremonies - the promises made still powerful and equally important.
My, how I have grown in the past ten years! I was a selfish little girl, much of my growing up happened as Mevrou Ferreira. And then there are the three human beings born out of this relationship. Whole new people who wouldn't have existed otherwise. Or would they? Whichever the case may be, I am really glad they are in my life! Our life!
So now, we are spending time teaching these little ones that God is the giver of life. That Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. We are instilling into them the knowledge that they are saved by His Grace, and that His Grace is always available to them. That they should never shun that gift. When my son doesn't feel like loving his sister, he should remember that Jesus took everything on Himself, every sin, every lie, every hurt, everything, and that He did it also for our sins. Past, present and future. That we are forgiven immediately and entirely, how can we not forgive others? How can we say No thanks! to that? Choosing God's Grace means choosing to love your sister too. And choosing once is not enough. It is a daily task. I choose to have a good day today. I choose to love the people around me. I choose. That doesn't mean that we never do wrong, we make stupid choices all the time. Sometimes we just take the easy route. And mostly the easy route is not the best one. But that's OK too, because God has already forgiven us for that choice, we just need to realise it was a wrong one and regret taking it.
OK, how did the anniversary blog get to be more about making choices? The fact is, love is a choice. An act of your will. It is SO not a feeling! And marriage requires choosing every day to love your spouse. Thankfully, in my situation, it has mostly been an easy (and even automatic) decision to make in the past ten years. May it be even more so in the lifetime to come.
(Click the image to enlarge it)
Saturday, 19 June 2010
What sparks your creativity?
Times have been tough. I'm sure for many of you, if not most, whoever you are, this rings true. The fact is, we have been struggling through the months for a while now. It is amazing how our Creator is always creative, though, and provides in various ways. The thing is, His creativity is right within us. He has made us in His creative likeness. Whether we allow ourselves to think out of the proverbial box, is up to us. Hence free will. We do all, however, possess the ability to create and be creative.
Free will means we need to make a choice. Sometimes neglecting to make a choice, is making an opposite one. Yesterday I stood once again before the crossroads of choosing wisely, or not. We were (my two-year old daughter was, to be precise) invited to a birthday party today. It was a normal thing, par for the course of having children, but after I had given an affirmative reply to the invitation, it seems that our finances had really taken a beating, and I had found myself in the position of not being able to buy the birthday girl a gift. And so I could sit on a heap and just worm myself out of the party in some way, or I could be creative. Hmmm. The former seemed the more likely.
My mother-in-law had previously blessed me with some awesome craft-stuff, including felt in the prettiest assortment of rainbow colours and embroidery thread. I had inherited a mishmash of buttons from my sentimental, refuse-to-throw-anything-away mom, and I had collected a variety of beads in all my favourite hues as the years had gone by.
That changed things. I could simply not allow myself to spend a Saturday feeling bad about myself and my financial situation, when there was something to be done about it!
The end result is a beautifully packaged parcel with 7 homemade felt hearts, all embellished with random buttons. I am quite proud. And it was a great party too!!
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
(Please ignore the low quality of the images, you can't have everything!)
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Twenty five random things about me
- I write my shopping lists in the order that the shop is laid out, starting with fresh produce.
- On the topic of shopping, I used to add up the prices of everything that I buy in my head and know the total amount before I go to the till, just for fun.
- I recently went to Cape Town with non-matching shoes, only realising it halfway there. I walked around with one brown and one red shoe until the height difference started to bother me, and went barefoot the rest of the way.
- My Outlook has to be the first program opened after my computer starts up, so it can be left-most. If it crashes during the day, I close everything else and re-open Outlook first before opening the other programs up again. Photoshop has to be second.
- I like keyboard shortcuts so much, that when my mouse batteries die, I am able to carry on working, albeit a bit slower in some cases.
- Although I've given my heart to God at the age of 6, the essence of the message of God's grace really only became clear to me at the age of 31.
- With some things I am really disciplined, but with other things not at all. I can say no food when I'm dying to have it, but I battle to tidy the house when it's a mess.
- I love liquorice (sweet or salty), biltong and Pringles. Those are luxury items that'll make my day, any day, anywhere, any reason. The more fat the biltong has and the wetter it is, the better.
- There's a smell in veterinary clinics that makes me faint. That, and standing on a stage under a spotlight for too long.
- I do not own make-up. I've tried being that girl, but it's just not me. I do paint my toenails, though.
- I have yet to come across a perfume that smells really good on me.
- Natie taught me to eat steak less well-done than I grew up with, and he introduced me to stinky cheese. Now I eat my steak rawer than he does (rare) and cheese ripe to the point that he will almost not eat it anymore.
My favourite cup of coffee is made with lots of hot full cream milk, then a teaspoon of coffee (Ricoffy, not Nescafé), then as much sugar as coffee, filled to the brim with boiling water. Hmm. Having a cup right now!I don't drink coffee anymore now that I'm pregnant again; just the smell makes me nauseous.- I love figuring out formulas in Excel.
- My taste is very contradictory sometimes - I like movies like "Kill Bill" and "The Sound of Music". My favourite colours are warm and earthy (reds, oranges, browns, greens), but I like wearing blues and pinks.
- I used to be ashamed of crying during movies.
- When real-life tragedy happens to people I know and love, I battle to cry (even though I do feel deeply for them), but the tears flow readily when I watch something happy or sad on TV or DVD - even ads or animations! Is that weird?
- Most of the conversations I have with people, occur only in my head. Sometimes I will think of something that I want to tell someone, and I'll just go ahead and tell them in my mind... guess it's not a great way of communicating, is it?
- Reading is one of the worst things I can do before going to sleep. I do get to that point where I feel sleepy, but I always think "just this one paragraph", or "only to the end of the page", and then carry on reading until I'm wide awake again.
- I'm learning not to be a people-pleaser. And I'm learning to say no to things I do not really want to do. Even to things I really do want to do, but don't have time for.
- My Gran had her 3rd child at the age of 30. That child was my mom, and she had her 3rd child at the age of 30. That child was me, and I had my 3rd child at the age of 30. I only figured this out at the age of 31. Nina doesn't have to complete the pattern.
- I love my nose.
- I have a memory like an elephant's. Just wish I could defrag it now and again.
- My indecision has the tendency to drive my husband up the wall. I don't get it, because my reasoning for not being able to choose is always very sensible.
- Natie & I got legally married the day before our wedding-day, because his uncle married us and didn't have a marriage license anymore. There wasn't time to go through the legal proceedings beforehand on the same day, as we had a lunchtime wedding.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Hoe kan dit wees?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie meer omgee nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat my dinge nie meer vir jou saak maak nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie weer gaan bel nie?
En ek nie 'n nommer vir jou het nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie weet wat in my lewe aangaan nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy iets beter ontdek het?
Hoe kan dit wees dat ons bloed nie meer dikker as water is nie?
En jou hart nou vir net Een Doel klop?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie meer die beste vir my wil hê nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie kom karring oor dinge wat ek moet verander nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat my chaos jou nie meer bekommer nie?
En jy nie weer my lewe gaan kom uitsorteer nie?
Ek het my eie chaos begin regmaak. Ou goed weggegooi en dinge uitgesorteer. Ek wil jou vertel... jy sou bly gewees het.
Hoe kan dit wees dat hierdie ding nie tydelik is nie?
En jy regtig egtig weg is?
Ek het goed gecope. Ek was bly vir jou. Ek was sterk. Nou kan jy maar terugkom.
My trane sit vlak.
My hart is leeg.
My energie is weg.
Ek wil jou vertel hoe ek voel. Jy sou my bemoedig het. Jy sou weer die waarheid in my hart kom plant het. Jy sou my kon vashou en saam met my huil.
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie meer hier is nie?
Hoe kan dit wees?
Kán dit wees?
Hoe kan dit wees dat my dinge nie meer vir jou saak maak nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie weer gaan bel nie?
En ek nie 'n nommer vir jou het nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie weet wat in my lewe aangaan nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy iets beter ontdek het?
Hoe kan dit wees dat ons bloed nie meer dikker as water is nie?
En jou hart nou vir net Een Doel klop?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie meer die beste vir my wil hê nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie kom karring oor dinge wat ek moet verander nie?
Hoe kan dit wees dat my chaos jou nie meer bekommer nie?
En jy nie weer my lewe gaan kom uitsorteer nie?
Ek het my eie chaos begin regmaak. Ou goed weggegooi en dinge uitgesorteer. Ek wil jou vertel... jy sou bly gewees het.
Hoe kan dit wees dat hierdie ding nie tydelik is nie?
En jy regtig egtig weg is?
Ek het goed gecope. Ek was bly vir jou. Ek was sterk. Nou kan jy maar terugkom.
My trane sit vlak.
My hart is leeg.
My energie is weg.
Ek wil jou vertel hoe ek voel. Jy sou my bemoedig het. Jy sou weer die waarheid in my hart kom plant het. Jy sou my kon vashou en saam met my huil.
Hoe kan dit wees dat jy nie meer hier is nie?
Hoe kan dit wees?
Kán dit wees?
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)