A few weeks ago I had a written conversation with someone about prosperity. It was a revelation for me, but also made me realise that I have a story to tell. I have good news to share. Below is an excerpt of that conversation that I had. I hope it means something to someone somewhere.
I have made a long journey with God the past while. It started in 2009 when we discovered the teaching of Grace by a certain preacher. And you know, I can easily see how this preacher can fall in the "prosperity teaching" category, but the message of Grace that he brings - how Jesus took EVERY, EVERY, EVERYTHING (and that also means our future sins), and how those overwhelming feelings of guilt that we get every time that we fail, are the enemy's best plan to counter us and our growth in God. That IS condemnation! That is exactly what condemnation is! We think we are hard on ourselves, but really the enemy wants to come and diminish in our hearts the work that Jesus did on the cross!
Anyway, the grace teaching is a topic for another day, but it changed my life. The thing is, together with this teaching, this preacher also has the way to preach only prosperity and blessing. And for a long time I believed that somewhere, we are doing something wrong, 'cause we have not ever battled financially as much as we have for the past year or two. And it's hard. And when your fuel gauge is below empty, and the money's run out, and there hasn't been stocks of food in the cupboards for a while, you have a choice in how to react. And I have to say, mostly I am positive, but then it freaks me out that people squander money, but they tell you how they battle financially. And then I have these conversations in my head. And this confusion as to what God's plan through all of this really is.
In the mean time, my mom suddenly died in a car crash. And she was the one I could go to with all of my questions. She was someone that I could tell my doubts to, and then she would bring the truth back into the picture. Other times she was the one with doubts when things were rough, and I could encourage her. She was my mom. I still discover new levels in which I miss her. But the point is, in that time, an amazing thing happened. It's as if the Father comes to fill that place in my heart. He came to encourage me Himself, and to build and sow into my life. He brings wisdom and patience and faith and love and all those things to the party. It's the most awesome friendship. That beatitude in Matthew that says "blessed is the one who mourns, for he will be comforted" - that's the truth. The Father comforts you with His own presence. And He definitely made me strong to face many things after that. Flip, my attitude is not usually a good one out of its own - I can become quite the cynic, but He gave me His good and positive thoughts even before I could form negative ones of my own.
And He blesses us. Our months are not easy, but He provides every time. Sometimes in weird ways. Other times quite predictably, but He provides! He cares. He stays faithful. And my children have never gone to bed hungry. Sure, they live on pasta with tomato sauce most of the time, but at least they love it.
God gave me a freelance business that I didn't even ask for! Hé provided that, that which I love to do, came to me as work out of its own!! And yes, it's rough at times, 'cause there is not always time outside of my normal morning work to still do freelance, and I still believe He wants me to be with my children, and not full time at one work or the other, but He gave it! And here He gives us a fourth child... I could sink to a little heap and think, "how the hell?!", or I could allow Him to give me faith - just suddenly, from nowhere, I realised that this fourth child is a sign of huge things that God wants to do for us. I cannot think that He wants to give us another child without providing in that instance too...
And He is so cool, together with provision for basics, like veggies, He also provides gourmet experiences! Haha. Natie had bumper crops of tomatoes, and basil and chillies and all sorts of cool things at the nursery, and then he makes all sorts of gourmet renditions of it. Do you know how much tastier fresh, home-grown pumpkin is as opposed to shop-bought? And beans, and mealies... a bunch of stuff. God is BIG!
When I look at the blessings He's given through Natie's cycling. It will leave your mouth gaping! Natie did the Epic last year! His partner paid for him. He rides the Cape Pioneer Trek this year. That's all thousands of Rands that he gets just like that. He got a R12000 mountain bike for free! There is a whole list of things that are too many to mention. That is the favour of God! That is blessing and prosperity. Not the money, the gifts that come straight from the hand of God. Those things that we cannot lay claim to or take any credit for. That is what I am talking about, that I believe the Father has for us. That is what turns people's eyes to Him and brings Him glory. That's what I want in our life.
Anyway, I think when I feel like I'm on the down low, I must just choose to focus on praising Him. Like Paul and Silas did in jail, and like Lea did when she expected Judah. ***Edit: the following paragraph is what I believed at the time. More on that later. And by the way, I believe this baby will be a boy, because Seth put in a prayer request at the church's 2009 miracle offering for a brother. We thought at the time it was quite funny, but now I realise, God loves every one of us, and Seth too, and He honours our hearts' desires! And I haven't discussed it with Natie yet, but I think when we confirm that this baby is going to be a boy (we're going to the doctor in a week's time!), we must name him Judah. end edit***
So it's a whole journey. But it's a good one. And I am glad for people in my life that I can share these awesome things with. And I am especially glad about God in my life, because without Him it is SCARY!
And whatever He wants to do in my life is OK, as long as I am obedient to Him so that His kingdom can be built! In the end that is really all that is important, isn't it? This life is fleeting. So what if you suffer from beginning to end... it's fleeting... and eternity is going to be AWESOME! But what about the people we never reached, because we never received wisdom, because we were always so comfortable with our easy lives... and then they stand on judgement day and hate us for not telling them! Yes, you're right. It's not about prosperity. It's about God.
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