Something's happening

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." ~ Proverbs 16:9

When I was in high school, I just wanted to settle down. My mom wanted me to study to become a professor or doctor of some sort, but I just wanted to get married and have children. I always said I was going to have four children. Life was going to be grand. We would live in a pretty house with a pretty garden, have a dog and just be happy. I knew it would probably be a waste of my mental capacity, but it was what I wanted.

Then I left school. I waitressed. I met the love of my life. Did a computer programming course. Took a job at Boland Bank in Paarl. Moved here, got married and settled down. The initial plan was to have children after five years. Goodness, that seems like forever now! After just over a year of married life, we were asked to babysit four siblings while their parents were off to Italy. They were reputed to be rather demanding children. People said that they would either put us off having children or nothing would! They were great. The older two helped with the younger two. I was up before six every morning (a huge feat for me!) making them gourmet sandwiches for school. The youngest one cried for his mom when they left. It touched my heart. Afterwards, I said to Natie that I wanted to have children of my own. I wanted to have someone who would cry if I left them.

Silly? Well, I believe God put that desire there. He knew what He was planning. We were pregnant less than two months later. We were blessed with a precious boy. He was wonderful. I was 24. I couldn't believe I was a mom! At six weeks he started crying and wouldn't stop for a year. We were exhausted. Seth was the first baby I held in my life. He was the first baby I had any experience of. I thought that was what babies did. They cried. Natie said he had colic. I disagreed. How can he suddenly develop colic at six weeks? It couldn't be colic. It was just how babies were. Surely?

Having been one of five children born in a six-year period, I was determined to have at least one other child. And soon. Seth was about fifteen months old when I convinced Natie that we should have another. He reluctantly agreed. He knew how exhausted I was! God must have known too. It took six months to fall pregnant this time. I thought I wanted another boy, but when the doctor said it might be a girl, I was inexplicably excited! Amelie was born in February and the heat didn't even bother me. She was fabulous. And when she was two months old, both my children suddenly started sleeping through. It was like we were on holiday!

I was content. I had a boy and a girl and a wonderful husband. I was done with pregnancy... nausea, heart-burn! When people asked if we would have another, I would give a firm and definite "NO!" in reply. My children were beautiful. We took family portraits. We went on holiday to the Kruger National Park. It was bliss. Then suddenly I got the desire to stop working full time. I wanted to be at home to raise my children. It was a step of faith. We gave ourselves six months to decide, but I just got surer and surer. This was God's plan. I had faith for it. Natie agreed. I resigned from the bank in June that year.

In August that year, Natie and I had a discussion, and we decided on a whim to have another child ("vir oulaas"). A month later I was pregnant. Nina was born the next winter. She was gorgeous. Now we were even more blessed. It was great. This time when people asked me whether we would have more, I wasn't so sure. It wasn't that I wanted another child, but I knew the folly of saying "no" and then changing your mind. So I always said that I didn't think so.

Then my mother died. It changed my life. I couldn't imagine having another child without her being here. I just couldn't.

Nina was off the nappies in record time. It was like we were on holiday again - she started going to children's church with Seth and Amelie on Sunday mornings, and Natie and I had uninterrupted Sunday mornings in church. Aaah, lovely.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

The passage above is in Proverbs 16. It was something my mom always quoted. That and "obedience is better than sacrifice". I'll never forget it. My Bible reading plan was such that I started reading Proverbs on November 21. That was the day before we conceived a new little blessing. We only found out the week before Christmas. Before we did the pregnancy test, I was horrified. I said to Natie that I didn't want to be pregnant again. He was the voice of reason. He reminded me, that we will wait until we get the test results, and if it's positive, then so will we be. There's no turning back. God obviously knows what He's doing. He will provide.

We will have another child in August 2011. We are happy. We are going to have four children. Life is grand!

In the words of my sister, "Wow!! Wow! Woohoo! And the adventure continues... Jy's truly blessed Ilse, truly, truly. Truly!".